Coping With Emotions: Helping An SPD Child's Highly Sensitive Emotional Needs
A reader asks about coping with emotions in SPD. Carly from Pennsylvania asks:
My 4 1/2 year old daughter, who tends to be on the hypersensitive end of SPD symptoms, seems to feel her feelings and other people's feelings very intensely.
She gets very upset and sympathetic when other children get hurt or cry. Often you will think that she is the one who got hurt.
She will feel angry or head toward a meltdown if the other child is being too loud. She also gets upset when another child gets disciplined.
How can I help her deal with her feelings and guide her to appropriate reactions when others are experiencing feelings?"
Can I share with you a related personal story? When I was little my mom said
that I use to cry and cry when an ambulance went by. For years she thought it
was because the noise was too loud for me. However, she later discovered that
the REAL reason I was crying was "because I was afraid for the people IN the
ambulance. I was concerned for THEM... I was feeling their pain." This is called
empathy... and it can be a curse and a blessing.
My point is... I DO indeed know what your daughter is feeling! It is related to
her SPD in the sense that she feels EVERYTHING more intensely, including
emotions. Many who have written and studied this called it a "highly sensitive
person" (HSP). Whatever we choose to call it, it is all the same. One of my
favorite authors on this subject, particularly relating to kids is Mary Sheedy
Kurcinka, author of Raising Your Spirited Child, Third Edition: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic
Now, how do you help your daughter today? The biggest thing you can do for her
is understand and validate her feelings. Will this in itself change the
reaction... not right away. But it IS important. Your daughter has a GIFT of
empathy, but at a young age it can often be seen as a "curse". It is definitely
harder to function when you feel all of your own feelings AS WELL AS others. It
certainly can be overwhelming.
So... after recognizing and validating these feelings she has, letting her know
and helping her label her feelings, then calming techniques need to be in place.
The best calming techniques will include deep pressure hugs, firm touch, quiet,
relaxing music, low lights, aromatherapy, linear movement (swinging in one
plane, or glider rockers, etc.), soothing hard candy or thick drink through a
straw, gentle rocking back and forth, a deep pressure "hug" from a bean bag
chair, and helping her understand her feelings and that she has a gift that will
one day help other people.
Soothe and validate. Help her understand her feelings and let her know what a
gift she has. Teach HER how to do these soothing activities on her own. So, you
can eventually say, "I know that hurts you when..., now what can you do to make
yourself feel better?"
Here are some resources that you should find helpful. Some are geared for kids,
some for adolescents and adults. Start with the ones for kids, then move on to
the other ones as they will help you continue to understand and help her.
One day, your daughter will indeed be a blessing to so many. Her empathy will make her a GREAT and loving woman to those in her life. Her life's work and career will probably be focused on helping other people... what a GIFT! We will be blessed.
Reader Comments About Coping With Emotions: Helping An SPD Child's Highly Sensitive Emotional Needs
by: Jennifer
My son will have meltdowns at the sound and he doesn't have the empathy of the
other getting in trouble (he's also gifted and always right, even when he's
not...lol)
The meltdowns are extremely embarrassing, humiliating and extremely loud in
itself. It's difficult to explain to people that he's sensitive to sound and yet
he's louder than the group of 30 children...
What I found helps, is emotional awareness therapy. I have no idea if that's a
real name for something real, that's just what we call it...lol
What we did was, made a chart of smiley faces (if you have microsoft word, click
on insert clip art and search for smiley, you'll get almost every emotion) I put
it on the fridge, in fact sometimes I carry a copy of it with me when we go out.
When he has a meltdown, I pull it out. He just needs help saying, I feel upset
because it rings in my ears or I was hitting because they wouldn't stop talking.
Which usually means, he couldn't process the information as fast as it was
coming at him. You know how kids go "but you but you but you" really fast. He
needs a space after the talking to formulate how to respond. If he doesn't get
that moment, he'll lash out.
He can point at the angry smiley or the sick smiley (sometimes it's just because
he's catching a cold and everyone is going to know about it..lol)
The smileys are also good for explaining how the other child feels, or pointing
out how the other child is looking at him. "Your friend thinks you're angry
because you're screaming, you hurt his feelings. Maybe we can show him how
you're feeling with your chart?"
Giving time to process what's going on, and words to help them say how they are
feeling, may help with the meltdowns. Or at least help explain them.
I think it scares him when he loses control like that and he wants to be
reassured. Reassurance and validation of emotions (like the other poster said)
is very important. They need someone who's in control because they lost some of
their own control. It makes them feel safer.
HTH,
Jen
by: Jessi
I still, fairly often, cry because I hear an ambulance, or see an animal on the
road that has been either abandoned or run over. I can understand how your
daughter feels. Along with any other suggestions you receive, I would like to
add a technique that I use. You can modify it any way you need to for it to work
for your daughter.
When I am really upset over something and have a difficult time getting over it,
I visualize something such as this: putting the "problem" into a box, putting
the box on a conveyor belt, and watching it go away from me. The box may be
going to God, or just into a black hole, or wherever it can go that makes it go
away. And any time the bad thought (or feeling) comes back, I just put it back
on the conveyor belt.
Another technique I use is to be proactive. This is something that your child
may be unable to do until she gets older. For me though, calling an animal
shelter when I see a stranded animal makes me feel better. Even though I know
that the animal may be put down, at least I know it will not be a long prolonged
horrible death and this makes me feel better. Any way to gain control over the
feelings will help.
Hope this helps you some. It can be frustrating, even as an adult, to be super
sensitive, because people in general don't always understand me, and I often
feel that I am not treated with the empathy and concern that I show others.
However, I know that I am a better person for it.
Related Resources and Further Reading
How To Explain SPD To Your Child Series - Need help explaining SPD to your child? Here's the how, why, when, how much from different parent perspectivesI'm An SPD Advocate... Are You? - One mother's beautiful story about being an SPD advocate for her little boy.
Chapter Eleven of the book The Out-of-Sync Child: Recognizing and Coping with Sensory Processing Disorder (The Out-of-Sync Child Series)
is entitled "Coping With Your
Childs Emotions"Supporting Your Child with Sensory Processing Challenges - For a child who struggles with sensory processing or regulation – whether it’s a diagnosed disorder or not – the world can be overwhelming and triggering.
Do you have any insights about coping with emotions in SPD?
If you have any stories, ideas, suggestions or questions about coping with emotions... share them with the readers of Sensory-Processing-Disorder.com
What Other Visitors Have Said
Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...
How to handle a child that's over stimulated and runs off 
I have 3 grandchildren who have SPD. the one child will run off in Walmart. She will run out of her house crossing the street not looking for traffic and …
It gets worse the older I get
Firstly, I need to say THANK YOU!!! This is the first piece of information I have ever read that finally explains why I feel what everyone else is feeling …
Emotions
Can there be a lack of emotion with SPD?
Debra
Please help. my lovely daughter has spd and she is six years old. she has weekly ot but as I sit here tonight I feel I cannot take much more and neither …
My 8 year old had a bad day at school ,my friend still doesn't understand..im all alone!
My son had a bad day at school! He was tired and was allowed to lie down,but then after he did told he owed work! He has SPD and should've been told this …
Help and advice needed please
My daughter is 6 years old .. She has days where she is a happy peaceful de-stressed little girl and then she has days where she hates me , doesnt love …
SPD-driven bullying - at home
Tim is a 5-yr old with a mild to medium form of SPD. He does nicely in school but at home he can be rather tough. His emotions are like a 'jo-jo' and …
I feel like my son is emotionally raw
My son is a 4 year old boy who is very very sensitive. He is always worry and anxious about everybody. Especially other people's safety and feelings. It …
My beautiful boy.
My son was born 3 weeks premature, due to the fact that I had high blood pressure. He was very thin and small. He was a very quiet baby, he hardly cried, …
SPD kid Tips!
1.I'm a kid who has SPD. When I was little I loved to be hugged and touched when I was sad. I would say," Go AWAY!," but it meant come in or ask me if …
What is right
I can't believe I found others who know what I am feeling! I have emotional sensitivities like crazy I feel every emotion! I've always been strange because …
Meltdown at Mcdonalds
A child with Sensory Problems was picked up from school by a neighbor instead of the parent. The neighbor went to macdonalds instead of going directly …
I also have a child that I am suspecting has SID?
I would like some advice for my situation please. I have a 3 year old that at the sound of a balloon popping goes ballistic! She is very sensitive to …
SID emotional issues
My grand child has sensory integration disorder. Her Mother has also been told she may have autism. Everyone tells her what her daughter may have but …
Out of control emotions
My son is 7 years old and since he was a toddler has had very loud wailing emotional outbursts. This seems to happen at the drop of a hat and can take …
I need help
My son is 2 years old and was recently diagnosed with severe spd. he gets very anxious when around even a small group of people. He receives ot once a …
Grandparent looking to learn
I am an educator with a lot of special ed experience but had not come across SPD until my grandson was recently identified. Our own children were adopted …
Tears fall on my hands 
Tears Fall on My Hands
By: Sheila Parker
The screams
The cries
The banging
The yelling
The thumping
And the Tears fall on my hands...
The …
I suffer from Sensory Processing Disorder
I was diagnosed in August 2011 with Autism, I was 38, almost 39 years old. I have known there was something wrong with me, but was never diagnosed with …
11 Year old Melt downs Not rated yet
over the past few years my son at the drop of a hat will have these 2 year old like melt downs. He yells, throws things shakes his bed hits the wall. …
Rosanna Not rated yet
Our 17-year-old son was found to have SID in 2002 by the sister of a friend who is an OT (we'd taken him to three behavioral specialists prior to this …
Daughter 17, highly emotional SPD Not rated yet
Annie is my youngest. Her BF/sister is 27, newly engaged, and getting married in 10 months. Her chum/ 21 year old brother took a job away from home and …
Big emotions but little empathy Not rated yet
Throughout my son's life he has always had deep emotions. He always seemed to feel things a lot more than others. He would get angry at injustices, cry …
13 year old daughter with sensory processing disorder and ADHD Not rated yet
My daughter just turned 13. She entered a new school at the beginning of this year. It is quite a bit bigger and noisier. She has struggled with focusing …
So many questions... Not rated yet
First off thank you for taking the time to read my email. Second I really appreciate what you are doing on this website to help people. Personally I am …
Anytime I touch cold water with my hands I am immediately overcome with an intense sadness or a feeling of loneliness Not rated yet
ever since I can remember, whenever I submerge my hands (and it does seem to specifically revolve around my hands) in cold water I am overcome with an …
A Highly-Sensitive Woman in Business Not rated yet
I'm a 50-year old woman who realized I am an HSP some years back. I process information kinesthetically, and I'm especially sensitive to temperature and …
What I do as an adult with SPD Not rated yet
Going to quiet place and dress in soft cloths, i lower and soften light which is helpful to me. I lay down in bed or sit in a comfortable chair and imagine …
Dawn ASD parapro mother of 2 SPD sons (adopted) Not rated yet
With our 12 year old, I follow his lead, since he seems to know what he needs.,he will dig around for tight clothing, chew very big wads of gum. I also …
To Carly from Pennsylvania Not rated yet
That sounds more like autism than SPD. Autistic people feel other peoples emotions, but usually cannot intellectually understand their problems/pain. Also, …
More visualization Not rated yet
I find placing worries in a lovely pink bubble and then I blow the bubble away like I was blowing a kiss. Interestingly enough I've never thought of trying …
KidsExpress Not rated yet
Hello
I am a Drama Therapist working with special needs and a mother of a child with SPD. I am opening a social skills group for children with processing …
8 year old can't cut finger nails, highly emotional, feels more pain than others Not rated yet
I have a son who I believe to have SPD. To the world he seems perfectly normal, bright, sporty, well behaved kid. Often after a few minutes of being home …
[Music] Not rated yet
My son is 7. It wasnt until he was 3 that we realized he had SPD. Those first 3 years were so joyful, but so, so very difficult. We knew something was …
Now it makes sense! Not rated yet
I, too, discovered that I have sensory processing issues late in life, at the age of 28. By that time, I'd been in and out of treatment for depression, …
Daughter Beginning Grade 6 Not rated yet
My daughter is 11 years old and has just started Grade 6. It's a new school, it's a bigger school and she is having trouble adjusting to a new routine, …
Denise Not rated yet
Wow! I never knew I had a disorder! I am investigating SPD for my son, and found this area ringing true for me. I'm 51, am highly sensitive, and have …
Dinah Leiter President Kid Clan Services Inc Not rated yet
Children with sensory integration challenges often do feel emotions much more intensely than other children. In fact, research shows that the neurological …
My son Alex Not rated yet
My son is 17 yrs old, and has been diagnosed with ADD, PTSD and ODD. I do not think that the ODD part is correct. He does have Audio and Visual Processing …
Emergency Calming Techniques Not rated yet
Hi all
I am a fan of the Emergency Calming Techniques that Havi Brooks uses at the Fluent Self - http://destuckification.com/.
She identifies as …
Drama Queen Syndrome Diet Not rated yet
My daughter who has SPD has always been called a Drama Queen by others. She is over emotional about every aspect of life. At times she can spend hours …
DBT teaches coping mechanisms Not rated yet
Dialectal Behavior therapy,originally designed for borderline personality disorder (some overlapping symptoms with spd actually). Cognitive therapy tends …
My Sensitive Child Not rated yet
Hi,I wonder if you can give me some feedback, my child has SPD, slight with Touch wants deep pressure as well as problem with auditory, although it is …
My Life Not rated yet
When i was younger i would have peculiar habits that nobody understood. i would walk on my toes and i would sometimes hate it when people would hug me …
Tlc Not rated yet
I have an 8 yr old boy who seems to be overly sensitive with everything, from knotting a karate belt to fit just right, to making that perfect letter"c', …
Raising an Emotion-Based Child Not rated yet
Children who have Sensory Processing Disorder or fall somewhere on the sensory processing continuum (i.e., Autism, Attention Deficit Disorder, SPD) often …
It's OK Not rated yet
Just give love and try to be patient. Don't "force" your issue if you can avoid it at all. Allow plenty of time to accomplish the goal - getting dressed …
Zach Not rated yet
My son is five and a half. He was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, childhood disorder NOS and phonological disorder when he was 4. He is borderline …
Copyright
©
www.sensory-processing-disorder.com
Recent Articles
-
Touching other peoples hair
Oct 27, 24 08:56 PM
A 5 year old boy is always touching the girls hair in his kindergarten class,he twirls,rubs,and spells their hair even after being told it's inappropriate -
Stool backup
Oct 25, 24 06:38 PM
2 yr old girl having bowel issues…stool gets backed Up. Been in hospital to get cleared out. On MiraLAX daily but still constipated. X-ray does not show -
Hand Flapping
Sep 30, 24 11:40 PM
My son is 38 months old. He has been seen by our Regional Center for autism testing when he was 20 months old. He was given OT and speech therapy (for