Something that explains ME!

by someone who is hurting
(U.S. (midwest))

I haven't read everyone's comments and stories yet, but I just had to write in and share some of my issues, as I'd love to hear from anyone else out there with similar problems!

Well, first off, I have a lot of sensory issues. I hate the feel of rough clothes, can't have anything with tags in it (try to buy without, but due to being very petite, I sometimes just cut out tags). I HATE the feeling of velvet. Anything like corduroy (spelling?) pants, plush anything, stuffed animals, anything clingy, and on and on. But velvet...that gives my fingers this electrical sensation that's like nails on chalkboard to me. I can't describe it well, but I've always had it since I can remember. My parents think I'm nuts (yep...they STILL do, and always have). Told me to "get over it", I was "too sensitive" (still am! they still tell me that all the time), etc.

I have a very keen sense of smell. I hate perfumes, body washes with any scent, body spray, colognes, chemicals, bathroom smells (a messy public bathroom will make me vomit). I lost a roommate in college because I couldn't stand the smell of her Asian cooking. :( It gave me migraines, and made me gag and feel awful. I can't stand being in large crowds, or near the makeup counter at a mall or department store. In fact I avoid malls and large gatherings at all costs now.

I have a hard time being close to people. I've suffered in relationships and I am misunderstood I think, because I don't like to be hugged, or kissed, or cuddled, or touched at all. Can't stand it. I was married for 8 years (divorced now), so I hung in there, but I was miserable.

I am very sensitive to pain. I jumped off the operating table (even after a local anesthetic) during a procedure that DOES invoke pain, but the surgeon said he's NEVER seen a case of a person SO hyper-sensitive to pain as me. I do have a severe back injury (work-related) that leaves me in disabling, intense pain 24/7. I need around the clock pain medication to deal with it, and even then my quality of life is poor (I've tried EVERYTHING...alternative treatments, etc). I am now disabled and no longer a nurse because of it (and many other health issues).

Let's see, what else...
*I can very easily "read" peoples emotions and body language.
*i am distractable and unorganized"
*sensitive to lights and noises
*have difficulty with foods. usually eat only 2 or 3 foods a day, every day, over and over (yes, i know this is terribly unhealthy!)
*have some OCD qualities. one off the top of my head, i count letters and numbers in sentences over and over on the tips of my fingers. usually i do it semi-consciously. i get annoyed when they aren't an even number. weird, i know.
*i am a loner. i spend most of my time with my parents and my 2 children (school age)
*have "great difficulty settling down for sleep and getting moving in the morning". am a night owl (it's 3am right now!)
*can definitely get engrossed in one activity. i am always reading a book. during meals sometimes, even at restaurants, i have a book. was always like this as a child, and
my young daughter is the same way.
*i over-react to noises like alarms, doors closing, sirens, etc. i get stressed out over noises very easily. my daughter and son do as well, esp with toilets (they cover their ears in public restrooms when i flush the toilet for them)

well, i was trying to review the list and just type in my problems, but i could be here all night and this is already way too long.

i have 2 children, in elementary school, who have many of the same issues i have. both are in the "gifted" program, but are having difficulty. they are quiet, well-behaved, very emotional children. my daughter cries over nearly everything it seems, and always has. she asks the most profound questions, like how can she help the children overseas who have no food, etc. she has trouble making friends, as she talks about things that are way over their heads sometimes. the last 2 best friends she had have moved away, and she has had a hard time dealing with it. she can't sleep unless the room is completely dark (which causes problems cause her brother on the opposite side of the room wants a light on!).

my son mostly has issues with clothing, doesn't like tags or rough clothes. will only wear a certain type of pants and shoes. picky eater...needs things in separate areas. i've seriously considered getting him a divider plate.

a compounding problem is that since i am divorced from my children's father, they are having a LOT of problems. i thought some of them were emotional until i came upon this website while searching for answers. their father is completely against getting any help for them, and it's impossible in this state to get help without legal consent from the child's coparent. the courts don't care, it's all just a business to them. the problems the children face are just adding up, and it's taking a toll on them. and me as well. i am ready to seek help for the kids, and just let the legal problems come my way. i can't stand to see my kids suffer, and not help them.

i am going to be talking to my children's pediatrician this week about finding an OT for treatment, not to mention some help for the emotional issues. not easy to find good help in my area, unfortunately.

i appreciate anyone who has taken the time to read this story of mine. i wonder if there is a message board somewhere with people like us to talk to? i'll be searching for one!