School Issues for 7 y/o in Montessori

by Sherry
(Southwest NM)

Our family moved 5 months ago out of state and to a MUCH smaller town. I fell in love w the Montessori school and have both girls, ages 7 &4 enrolled. My 7y/o dtr has always been, what I described as "high maintenance" and "very dramatic". There have been so many "quirks" she has, we just got use to accommodating and dealt with as we never heard of SPD. The move was traumatic on both kids leaving a strong support system of friends.

We had noticed an increase in her "meltdowns" but chalked it up to transition and grief. After hearing from her teacher during a parent/ teacher conference how extreme her meltdowns were, I got her into therapy. The school director mentioned the possibility of SPD as did the therapist when I explained the issues. I began researching SPD and realized THIS IS MY CHILD-- the clothing dramas and socks or shoes; intolerance of temperatures (she is suddenly hot or cold and freaks out), light and noise intolerance, when she doesn't understand something she again will meltdown screaming and crying. If the episode can be caught in time; small window where meltdown can be stopped, she does ok. But it's a very small window. She doesn't quite understand how her behavior is affecting her socially. She has only one friend at school (the class is only 17 kids). Its been difficult to make other friends being new here. She can be such an awesome kiddo; she is extremely bright (had we not moved she qualified for a magnate school for GT), she is a natural at dance and gymnastics but her unpredictable behavior I now realize is why I drag my feet getting her involved. She is very creative and we spend most of our time together doing art of all sorts. She is the most empathetic and loving child I have known. Yet, she will scream at the top of her lungs when she gets a minor scrape or bump. Not always, but most of the time. If a child says something dtr interprets as negative, off she goes. She is small stature and gets crowded easily and panics. Her anxiety level is very high.

As for the Montessori school, I have concerns bc of the way this is handled. I have talked to the director and she has been very helpful. However, my daughter cannot go on field trips bc of her behavior. She has had a tantrum in a street endangering herself & the class. I had gone on a few field trips to intervene if needed. Lately, this has not been offered as an option and my daughter is not allowed to go. While she knows it's because of her meltdowns, my heart breaks as she says others act worse and are allowed to go. I have seen some of the others behavior and know it's true.Yet the teacher denies this. I know these kids are friends of teacher's kids. My daughter was also not allowed to be in the school's Christmas Program bc of the potential issues.

After lunch is a trigger for my child. She has been very tired needing rest. For a while she was going to a younger classroom to help. Afternoons become more chaotic in her room. Today her teacher tells me it would be best for daughter to go half days so I am to start picking her up at 1. Another punishment. Dtr is VERY social and delightful in small settings. She is constantly wanting a playdate or to venture out somewhere. My gut tells me the teacher is not helping. Dtr very sensitive to others and I think dtr picks up on the negativity from her teacher- who is very sweet BTW.

I am working on formal testing thru the school district. I believe in Montessori education, but red flags r popping up everywhere. Do we pull her out now and put her in public? That scares me too. So many changes! But if she is not succeeding at Montessori - and she will have the same teacher for 2 more years! I so want to be able to keep her there but sense they r preparing me for kicking her out; claiming public has more resources etc. I know this but feel it's a way to kick her out. Do we wait until next fall to decide; we have just begun to tap into an understanding and resources for her. Bottom line is I feel let down by the school; the teacher isn't able or willing to help more or can't; my heart aches for my wonderful daughter though she is so draining. What now? Thought Montessori best... How can I help her with her lowered self esteem bc she can't participate in things? Does this seem wrong to anyone else or have gone thru it?