Realization

by Celeste
(Newfoundland, Canada)

I only realized that something was really different this year; I'm 16.

Touching MOST fabrics (anything that creates friction) on my fingers/hands, mostly fingertips, it causes me to cringe a lot/feel pain. If the pain continues on via unavoidable things or just having a bad sensory day, the entire left side of my face/head will hurt (toothache, headache, earache, my jaw and cheekbone will hurt, etc.)

Sometimes, it even lasts for days, so I started recording how bad it is each day since the 13th of October, 2016. (Bad, Ok, Good) Mostly, it's been good days, but on the bad days, I get dry mouth and lots of pain.

Recently, it's caused my mild depression to spiral out of control. I've fantasized about not feeling pain on the repeated bad days, wishing for death so I can feel ok for the few seconds before I would die, and so on. I know I shouldn't, but I live in a small city of less than 20,000 people and nobody knows what I'm going through, or how to help me.

Thanks. -Celeste, 16 year old Female