I've always felt different. Could it be SPD?

by Laura
(United Kingdom)

Over the last few years I have been chasing a diagnosis that can explain why i feel odd or different. I was diagnosed with Cyclothymia which is similar to Bi-Polar disorder aged 18, after no longer being able to deal with my constantly changing and worsening emotions. Since then I have been wondering if this is correct, or if it could be BPD, mild aspergers, ADHD and now this.

As a baby I was fussy, I didnt like being held, I was fussy with food eating only yoghurt at one point. As a child I was always on the go, had imaginary friends for years. I hated clothing labels and always liked my shoes to be really tight.

As an adult I often get told that I shout when I talk which is embarrassing as I dont even notice it. To some extent I struggle with social cues, I was always the weird child, i was once even called scary by another child. Even now I struggle to make and keep friends, and regularly feel like I alienate myself, this has led to some social anxiety around meeting new people.

I get on much better with children than i do adults, and feel like I often struggle to talk to adults, even though i am now 21 i feel as if i have very little in common with them. However I am very sociable and crave attention, I hate being alone for long periods of time.

Upon reading the symptoms I certainly am a sensory seeker. I love moving and touching things. my current favourite texture is a faux fur blanket. i choose clothes partly by how they feel, i hate velour (it feels sticky) and scratchy fabrics. I am always figiting, be it with an object, picking my lip, or rubbing my feet together.

I love to be warm and covered with blankets, i feel the cold very easily. I also love music, and find that it is the only way for me to truly 'feel' with music i feel alive, especially films with good music. However too much noise layering over each other and coming from different directions can give me panic attacks.

I am less fussy food-wise now, I like bland food, I do like seasoned food though but dont like spicy food and hate the texture of mashed potato. It makes me cringe.

I sometimes get the feeling that something is wrong or that the way that I view things is different but i have never been able to put my finger on what. I often get shaky or restless. My family thinks I over-react or am a hypochondriac just looking for more problems or reasons to feel problems. But I can't shake the feeling that something isnt right. And even though it may not help much, just knowing what it is and how to move forward once and for all would be enough.

What do you think? sorry for the essay? I just wanted to get it all down. I will also take this to a doctor at some point i guess.