Help

by Steve

I'm 19 and all my life I've dealt with something unexplainable, like the world just feels different to me then others. I've never thought anything of it though, I figured that it was just stuff everyone deals with. But in the last year, I've been diagnosed with depression and adhd and put on a host of medications, I feel like I'm losing my mind. All the things I've been dealing with and ignoring have started to catch up with me, and the thought that this is all in my head makes me feel hopeless.

After going down the list and checking off half, I feel like there's finally a reason to my problems.

I don't know where to begin with my symptoms. It always seems like I'm crooked, everything looks like its slanted somehow, like lines don't look the way like I know they are. My hand writing is awful and all over the place because I cant keep on the line and when I'm driving I cant keep in the middle of the road, god forbid parallel park.

My sense space has always been bad, I'll knock things over, drop things, and run into stuff I was sure I wasn't close to.

I get called spacey and absent minded all the time. I cant seem to keep focused, any sound or noise will just grab me, yet at the same time I'll get lost in things and become oblivious to anything around me for hours. Everything tends to feel dreamy and at times I'll get a feeling that's like waking up.

I cant seem to take in things like the people around me. Colors, smells, and sounds will become indistinguishable. I can be reading something and have to go reread it three or four times just to take in what it said, the words will get processed but the meaning wont. It will take me hours to write something because I cant get what I want to say to come out the way it sounds in my head. Physical sensations like pain and temperature seem to jump around. Usually I'm indifferent to sounds going on around me but sometimes a random sound will just become the only thing I can hear.

The worst thing is how my problems have been affecting others. I'm so anti social and I hate myself for it. At times I cant seem to leave the house I'll avoid people I've known my whole life like the plague. I cant seem to make a connection with people or hold a conversation that doesn't end in awkward silence.

There are so many other things as well and some just seem to come and go. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm so tired of feeling lost and alone. If this is what the cause of all this could be, I would feel so much better just knowing its not all in my head.