Growing up with proprioceptive dysfunction

by Alyxandrea Loffer
(Kansas)

The being unbelievably clumsy wasn't exactly the traumatic part of my childhood. It was the embarrassment and the guilt and shame that was put on me not just by myself but by those around me.

My mom took me out of ballet, even though I really loved it, when I was 7, because she said "you're just...really bad at it...and you're not getting better." Okay so obviously I was never going to be a good dancer, but to a seven year old that was a detrimental moment to the development of who I would grow into. That moment still haunts me. That one moment killed my passion for everything.

I no longer gave my all in anything I did, because suddenly I was aware of how other people saw me. Anything I enjoyed was immediately ruined by my clumsiness and so I stopped trying in anything.

My mom frequently mentions that I've never had any real drive, and always had a fear of failure and I don't want to tell her that it was all because of that moment.

At 27 years old, my friends and family meet my clumsiness with sighs and my coworkers just shake their heads. I only recently heard about proprioceptive dysfunction and I'm so glad to finally have a reason, a tangible reason as to why I am this way.

Now I actually have something to blame other than myself. I did not realize that my writing too hard and other things were part of it too. I'm glad to have found out. Thanks!