Fear of LIFE

by Nicky
(USA)

I have a 5yo adopted daughter (bological granddaughter) that I started raising at age 8 mos. History of prenatal hard drug use, Interuterin Growth Restriction, and a fractured skull at 7mos. She was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and SPD.

My child is afraid of so many things. Bugs, sounds, tastes, clothes, dogs, storms, Jell-o. being sticky, being wet, storms, death of a loved one... and when I explain to my friends they have NO IDEA how deeply this is affecting her life and that of all those around that love her. She cannot go to Chuckie Cheese, indoor playgrounds, pools, the zoo, kid's museums, local festivals, state fair. She is terrified of doctors and if you walk in an office building that looks like the doctors she freaks out, we almost didnt get her in to building for Kindegarten roundup.

She is terrified of going to the bathroom in a public place to the point of refusal to use it..and when I am successful to get her in there it is a HUGE ordeal making sure no one else is in there to flush a toilet while she is in next stall, no one to put the monster hand dryer on.. I have to also block the electronic eye and then she rushes off the potty and rushes out the BATHROOM door whille I am flushing the toilet and trying to keep a hand on her so she isn't stolen. It leaves her and I emotionally exhausted.. just to tinkle at McDonalds.

She has missed out on field trips and birthday parties and it has dictated where we can and cannot go on vacation. Now with the warmer weather what was acceptable, playing outside and a light aversion to bugs has now become a terror run every morning from the back door of the house to the safety of the preschool school bus. If the neighbors dog is out (a very tame gentle golden retriever) she will wrench herself loose from the adult walking her to the bus and tear back in to the house, screaming...not fussing..screaming in terror. She is now refusing to go outside even to get in the car and is convinced the car is full of bugs because there was a fly in there once.

I have held off on buying new sand for the sandbox and a wading pool as of this point I cannot even get her to the car or bus without a major major deal. I am very tired, frustrated, heart broken and worried about my little one. I don't know what else to do. I feel that I am constantly having to explain her to friends and even more maddening family...and I feel like no one really understands what is going on daily with her. Any advice appreciated.