Curious

by Anonymous
(South australia)

Hey I'm 21 (f) and learned about SPD recently. Reading about it really felt like my life was being explained but since then I've read lots about the dangers of diagnosing yourself online and it's all a bit confusing. I went to a GP but they explained OT's are only covered by Medicare with a diagnosis which apparently costs roughly $700. As a uni student I don't really have that kind of money, not really sure what to do.

As a kid I was either focusing on one task or feeling overly excited/ lethargic. I would eat and drink anything in front of me but had trouble with bladder regulation, not realising I need to go to the toilet until It was too late until I was about 19. I've always managed/ challenged my quirks, going outside during frequent study breaks and climbing trees to get over vertigo (bad idea). In my late teens I was diagnosed with a general anxiety disorder, lost a lot of weight from vomitting in the mornings and during panic attacks. Also developed a shaking leg during lectures and stressful meetings. Since then my appetite goes for days then it's back making up for lost time. Abused alcohol, ecstasy and weed in my late teens partly to make up for my lack of social skills in noisy places with lots of people talking.

Despite years of agility training for soccer and considering going pro as a goalkeeper in my early teens I'm still hopelessly clumsy knocking stuff over and my legs are always covered in mystery cuts and bruises.
If there's background noise I find it hard to concentrate on what someone's saying to me, in my part time job as a salesperson it gets overwhelming with multiple conversations happening in a small space. When people are over I either hide away or get a burst of energy and try to the best host possible. I only cook when I'm comfortable, ive always found it a bit stressful. I'm a sucker for cuddles and may have stayed in relationships unadvisedly because of this. Also struggled with intimacy with people I'm trying to get to know, people I know really well too sometimes. I've been told a few times I talk too quiet or too loud and I have trouble choosing weather appropriate clothes. My face and hands usually have something on them,I do get self conscious and bothered by it when I notice it but I just forget bits of my body sometimes.

Even though I've been shown how to tie a tie countless times I've never grasped it.
Messy handwriting, only recently stopped typing with two fingers and could never line up maths equations.
Extremely ticklish,
hate being touched by strangers, I've freaked out a few times in public but blamed it on alcohol.
can't find stuff in my bag without looking
I can't stand some electronic sounds,when my sister took up drums her practicing made me stresssd and vommit occasionally. I was extremely lucky and grew up semi rurally, in an area with no streetlights or regular traffic, her drum kit was probably the worst sound pollution.
Habitual smoker
Drink 1-6 ish coffees a day

I know this is just a plethora of quirks that could potentially be explained by the anxiety disorder/ personality, just sussing people's opinions on whether it's worth paying money I don't have to waste a proffesional's time.
Really hope this doesn't come across as belittling a serious disorder.