Can SPD Kids Make Friends in School?

Hi, my child is in school for the first time and is not used to being around other kids, other than her cousins and a few kids at OT and the playground.




We've had issues with her anxiety around other kids where she will say mean things or try to hit - which we believe is a defense mechanism for her anxiety.

Anyway, she started school and we are hoping she will get used to being around other kids and will be able to have friends. She is not interested at all yet but it's only been a couple of weeks. There are several kids in her class that are interested in making friends with her, but she says "she doesn't like them" or "doesn't want friends." We know she's scared and doesn't know how to relate to them, however we're hoping that she will eventually feel comfortable enough to socialize and make a friend. That is my hope!! I would love for her to have a girlfriend to play with.

Anyone have experience with this?

Thanks for your help!!



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Feb 28, 2019
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starstarstarstarstar 		Challenge making friends in school
by: Sharlene Meyer

My son is 10 and in grade 4 (South Africa).

He has been very depressed at times as he struggles to make and keep friends. He told me that no one wants to play with him, and although I understand the reason, it is difficult to explain it to him to fully understand. To me it seems the problem is that he wants to make up games and expects others to play along. Playing soccer and whatever games the other kids play, does not interest him. And finding kids that is interested in the same things he is, seems to be extremely difficult at school.

He started out at the age of 3 isolating himself quite a lot; especially when meeting people / family for the first time. He didn't try to make friends but has improved tremendously in that regard since we were able to get a diagnosis and the necessary help.

At home he has his siblings who he interacts with and a cousin at times who he has a good relationship with.

I'm hoping that with the help of his Occupational Therapist, we can find some solutions to his social issues that still exist.
Mar 24, 2017
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starstarstarstarstar 		Thank you
by: Anonymous

I have been struggling with this as well. I was worried that my son being the most popular in day care and now struggling to make friends. I made the effort to put him in Kindergarten last year so he could make some friends going into Prep and that didnt happen. I am more afraid now that he has no friends but maybe he is happy being by himself. But is that because the other kids avoid him, I know the girls do.
Oct 07, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		Having my child looked at for SPD or Aspergers
by: Anonymous

My son is the same way. At first I thought he was shy, then I thought he had social anxiety or something. Then after reading we concluded he was just a slow to warm up kid with some bad social experiences. Now we are contemplating whether or not he has asperger's syndrome or SPD. He could fit under either really. If he does have Asperger's he would barely qualify or be considered extremely high functioning. He has many of Asperger's social impairment issues but lacks most of secondary issues. He exhibits tons of shirt chewing and is a Noodle in his chair at school. We've begun doing heavy work and giving him chew toys. Within a few days I've seen tons of social improvement. This could be just coincidental at this point. Good luck. Seems to be a fine line between all these diagnosis unless it is just outright a bad case of autism or PDD. My kid is still usually on the outskirts of social play and seems happy just like your child
Sep 27, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		Yes!
by: Anonymous

I used to agonize over my daughter's social struggles. She's a watcher not really a participator. It takes her a long time to feel comfortable and size up possible friends. She couldn't handle noisy birthday parties and stayed glued to me. All through elementary she had a rich imaginary life and spent alot of her time on the playground alone. But she was happy.

I learned that she found school exhausting and over-whelming and having quiet time to herself at recess was what she craved. Other kids always liked her and yelled hello, but she rarely acknowledged them outside the classroom. Made me sad, but she was happy! I would ask her teachers about her social life at school and she did best during small group interactions and we made sure because of her SPD that she had plenty of it.

She is in middle school now, she has made many friends over the years and sticks by her favorites.I've always tried to offer advice and playdates to meet kids, she usually rolls her eyes. She is a good friend, but she still chooses some days to be by herself. I praise her for knowing who she is and what she needs. I've had to let my expectations go because she is happy.
Sep 26, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		Great question!
by: Anonymous

This is such a good question! Thanks for asking it because I have concerns with my son as well. He sounds much like your daughter. I would love to hear some good news regarding this! Sorry I can't be of any help though.

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