This makes sense now

by Drew

I'm a teen who was diagnosed with level 1 autism at age 13. Since I was very young I had sensory issues, they were very noticeable when I was in preschool, at age 7 I started to hide my issues and dissociating. My parents thought I outgrew my issues but it never happened, they got milder and were easier to mask.

When I was 11 my issues started to be much more noticeable and got more severe. I know why, it was because they were not treated. After I got my ASD diagnosis I didn't got much help, I want to go to OT but my parents say that it's expensive and that I don't need it. I need it because it affects my daily life, they inpact in my relationships, learning, behaviour, self esteem and mental health. I'm more under sensitive than over sensitive, that means that I feel less sensory stimuli thsn most people and sometimes I don't feel them at all.

When I was in preschool I couldn't sit still and I was running and bumping all the time, I didn't follow verbal instructions and I made too many noises, I couldn't stop talking all the time. I used to touch everyone and everything and I had a delayed response to pain, I used to hit other children thinking it didn't hurt. I could watch lights and spinning objects for hours. I couldn't feel thirst and hunger was something difficult for me. I used to burn myself when I was taking a bath. I screamed and made vocal noises many times. I was punished for most of my behaviours, children were scared of me and I didn't learn at all.

As I got older my issues got milder and I masked them. Masking was difficult at times and my need to seek out sensations were very intense. I tried to be the perfect child and my relationships started to get better, I finally made friends but I was unaware and had low registration, I was lethargic most of the time and did everything they told me to do.

When I was 11 my issues started to get much worse and I couldn't put on with all of them so the mask fell and my issues were very obvious to most people around me. I started to get very withdrawal and I got depressed. My life started to get worse for me and most people around me. I didn't seem to grow up like most people my age and I started to be left out. I got bullied too and that affected me a lot too. My therapist told my parents that I was a bad child and that I was very defiant so they didn't believe me when I told them that I was bot okay.

Nowadays they are more accepting but I feel like my life doesn't have sense and that I will never get treatment. I have a new therapist, she is autistic also and has sensory issues too so she understand me better than most people. Talking about my sensory issues they have changed, they tend to fluctuate over time and that makes me feel very out of control. Here are my sensory issues:

Auditory - Avoiding and over sensitive
Visual - Avoiding and over sensitive
Tactile - Seeking and under sensitive
Oral - Seeking and under sensitive
Olfactory - Avoiding and over sensitive
Vestibular - Seeking and under sensitive
Proprioceptive - Seeking
Interoceptive - Under sensitive

They are affected to different degrees and they affect me highly. The way they affect me are different, they affect the way I learn, play, socialize, my mental health, the way I do tasks and more.