Bras and other tween issues

by Kathy
(NY)

My daughter has not worn underwear in years, only wears clothing that is very loose, soft and stretched out. She is now at a stage where she really needs to wear a bra but hates anything tight or touching her skin, so even a cami or shelf bra is difficult. So, any suggestions would be very welcome.




Moving on to the next thing I need to prepare for is her period. She hasn't worn underwear in years so I have no idea what I will do. She only wears pajama shorts which are loose around the crotch and hang down, so that won't work.

Suggestions?? Ideas?? We tried Thinx....she hated them.

Thank you in advance for any advice.



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Jun 16, 2023
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starstarstarstarstar 		I am the same! No bras and underwear for me!
by: Anonymous

I’m the same way! I just don’t wear a bra. I like shirts with iron on decals that covers up a bit anyway but I really don’t care, not being in pain is more important than avoiding a look. I’m sassy and tough and strong enough nobody would dare take it further than a look. I wear the exact same shorts!

I have been dreading periods since I was tiny. I take the 3 month pills and when it has to happen I spend the worst days reading and free bleeding in the bathroom where I can clean easily. On light days I use something kinda like a tampon that doesn’t go inside. The "lips" hold a square of balled up toilet people in place. It doesn’t work for heavy days and cheap toilet paper is super uncomfortable and leaks but it’s the only thing that helps.

I can’t get around underwear for sleeping on the heaviest days. I just stay up late so I’m really tired and fall asleep immediately, then I don’t have to feel them. I can’t stand the slightest bit of tightness, I feel claustrophobic and like I’m going to die. Bras are especially bad because I get intense pain in my chest when I get upset, bad enough to make me do anything to make it stop. That pain combined with tightness in the same spot makes me feel like I can’t breathe and am just withering in pain.

I don’t really care, I don’t want therapy. I’m happy as I am and don’t need to go through a bunch of pain just to conform to social constructs. I live a wonderful bra and underwear free life! Please don’t try to force your daughter to do these things, you have no idea how much it hurts!
May 20, 2020
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starstarstarstarstar 		Alternative options
by: Anonymous

They have "onesies" for adult women, they come in a few varieties...most known by the older female as a type of spanks... however the younger crowd tend to were this one piece bathing suit type piece of clothing which snaps down below, to keep their top tucked into their skinny jeans or skirt etc... also cami's come with really durable built in bras... like sports bras, and depending on the brand or kind you buy double d breasts can be comfortablly and modestly held in place with one of these say bras are out.
Mar 25, 2018
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starstarstarstarstar 		Menstration
by: Anonymous

Hi, My daughter is also a bra/underwear free girl and dread the upcoming battle with menstruation.

Did you find a happy solution for your daughter?
Apr 24, 2017
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starstarstarstarstar 		Some ideas.
by: Anonymous

She could try camisoles in a fabric that is comfortable against her skin. The main issue with going braless is modesty, it is very possible to leave breasts unsupported. So as long as her top of choice is not too sheer she should be fine.

As for menstruation, you could look into the use of moon or diva cups which don't require underwear. It's hard to know if the feeling of inserting the silicone cup would be uncomfortable or if using menstrual pads and having wetness against the skin would be worse.

You could also look up free flow... I have no idea how it works but some people don't use anything!

If it's all too distressing you could consider using oral contraceptives to prevent a menstrual bleed entirely. I am not sure if that would be desirable or comfortable for you but it's certainly possible. You skip the 4-5 days of sugar pills and the menstrual bleed doesn't happen.

Good luck.

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