9 year old daughter wont wear shoes

by Ann
(NC)

My daughter has been diagnosed with OCD. She likes to know that things are "just right" and this involves mostly her clothing, hair, etc. She doesn't like the feel of socks nor shoes. She will only wear flip flops. This is fine during the summer, but we live in NC and it does get cold here.




I cannot tell you how many pairs of shoes I've bought that she says in the store "feel fine" and then gets home and refuses to wear them for one reason or another. I am so stressed out.

Does anyone have ideas? thanks so much.



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Jan 28, 2024
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starstarstarstarstar 		Barefoot
by: Amanda

My daughter is almost 9 and she almost always
Goes barefoot. She normally wears a swimsuit but nothing else. We live in Florida so it is not
A big deal when she goes barefoot or barely
Stays dressed.
Sep 02, 2020
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starstarstarstarstar 		Don't worry about it
by: Anonymous

Ah, summer. Soft breeze in your hair, grass between your toes, nasty calluses on your feet from going barefoot…

Don't fear those calluses, though. New research has revealed that foot calluses — thickened skin that forms naturally when one walks barefoot — have evolved to protect the feet and provide for comfortable walking in perhaps ways that shoes can't match.

Unlike shoes, foot calluses offer protection without compromising sensitivity or gait, according to a study published today (June 26) online in the journal Nature. Shoes, in contrast, reduce sensitivity in the foot and alter the way that the impact forces transfer from the foot to joints higher up the leg.

The researchers — from institutes in the United States, Germany and Africa — stressed that their findings don't demonstrate that walking barefoot is healthier than walking in shoes. At its core, the study is about human evolution.

Yet the fact that we have evolved to walk barefoot, and that barefoot walking is mechanically different from walking in shoes, may imply that going barefoot can impart certain long-term health benefits worth investigating, the researchers said.

"It is fun to figure out how our bodies evolved to function," said Daniel Lieberman, professor of human evolutionary biology at Harvard University, who co-led the study. "The sensory benefits of being barefoot might have health implications, but these need to be studied."[The 7 Biggest Mysteries of the Human Body]

For most of human's 200,000-year existence, we walked barefoot. The oldest discovered footwear dates to about 8,000 years ago, although there is indirect evidence of sandals and moccasins tens of thousands of years before this, the researchers said. Cushioned shoes are even more recent – only about 300 years old.

Because calluses are the evolutionary solution to protecting the foot, Lieberman's team set out to assess how these formations might differ from shoes in maintaining grounding and comfort. Their study examined the foot calluses of more than 100 adults, the majority from Kenya. About half of the subjects walked barefoot most of the time, and half mostly wore shoes.


Among the barefoot walkers, the thickness of the calluses did not dampen tactile sensitivity, or the ability of the foot to feel the sensation of the ground while walking. Shoes, with their cushioned bottoms, clearly mute this sensation.

However, very thick calluses don't simply act like shoe cushions. The callus thickness can protect against heat or sharp objects, providing comfort and safety, like shoes can. But the sensory receptors in the foot that detect ground surface differences still transmit signals to the brain.

This uninhibited signal — that sensation of feeling the earth — may help the barefoot walker keep balance, strengthen muscles and create a stronger neural connections between the feet and the brain.

"We suggest children to walk barefoot on humid grass with the purpose to stimulate the afferents [nerves traveling to the brain] for developmental reasons," said Thomas Milani, a professorship of human locomotion at the Technische Universität Chemnitz in Germany, who co-led the study.

That is, the feedback we receive from the ground when we walk barefoot improves our proprioception, or awareness of the body in space, said E. Paul Zehr, a professor of kinesiology and neuroscience at the University of Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, who was not involved in this study. Shoes can wipe out much of that feedback, he said.

The researchers also found that walking in shoes softens the initial impact of the footstep but ultimately delivers more force to the joints compared with what is seen in thick-callused individuals. This, too, may have health implications for the knees and hips, something that should be studied, the researchers said.

Zehr, an expert in the neural control of human locomotion, as well as an author of science books about the possibility of actually becoming Batman, Iron Man and Captain America, described the group's results on impact forces as "robust and interesting."

He added that one of the study's limitations is that tactile sensitivity was assessed at rest, with a device that sent vibrations into the sole, and so these results may not necessarily hold true for walking. "

"The nervous system is heavily task-specific, such that sensory inputs have differential effects when…comparing sitting, standing, walking and running," he told Live Science.

Barefoot walking isn't the best idea for everyone, despite its evolutionary basis. People with diabetes and peripheral neuropathy can wound their feet and not realize it. Lieberman's team would like to investigate the practicality of wearing thin sandals or moccasins, which might allow for a lot of tactile stimulation compared to cushioned shoes but offer added protection from abrasions.
Mar 09, 2020
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starstarstarstarstar 		Same here
by: John

My daughter is 8 1/2 and she hates wearing shoes and socks. She will wear flip flops when we all go out but that's it. When she comes home from school the first thing she does is go and take her shoes and socks off. She then changes in to a swim suit and wants to go play with her friends outside. We live in Florida so usually that's fine.

John
Nov 11, 2019
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starstarstarstarstar 		My 7yr old as well
by: Anonymous

So my 7yr old has the same issue and now we are stuck in turmoil... I don't know what to do as it's winter time in upstate NY and it's cold. Coats feel weird, socks, shoes, shirts - it's exhausting.
May 24, 2019
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starstarstarstarstar 		An adult - I'm similar
by: Anonymous

Hi, I'm 21, and I experience similar reactions. Although I adore owning shoes, I hate wearing them. I'm conscious of them the whole time they are on my feet and they feel extraordinarily heavy. I take them off whenever I can get away with it (for example I'm often just in socks when in my college's library).

I would emphasize with her how cool shoes can look to other people when she's out and about and let her have them off at home/other places she can get away with it. That would've worked for me.

Hope that helps.
May 15, 2019
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starstarstarstarstar 		Suggestion
by: Anonymous

My daughter is now 5 and has had the same issues. We've found the only way to help with this is to make sure she's getting enough sleep and distracting while getting ready. If she's tired during the process of getting ready it becomes 10 times worse.

Also, if we can sing a song or watch a show while getting ready it helps her not focus so much on how the clothes feel while they are on. I'm hoping this helps!

I know how awful and stressful it is when your child breaks down screaming and crying while you're simply trying to get them dressed.
Jul 06, 2018
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starstarstarstarstar 		Issues with clothes, shoes
by: Anonymous

I'm at my wits end too! My 5 year old son has issues with the feeling of clothes, jocks, socks, shoes and basically feels everything on his skin even wetness bothers him so much.

He was tested for sensory processing disorder but has no other symptoms and she was hopeless and didnt know what was wrong. It seems to get worse when hes tired or sick.

Its winter here and do you think I can get warm shoes and socks on!! Not a chance! Its doesn't feel right and he has major meltdowns and traumatized from them. Dont know what to do i can't let him go around barefoot outside :((
Jul 11, 2017
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starstarstarstarstar 		Let her go barefoot.
by: Anonymous

You could let it be her choice and let her go barefoot. My nine year old daughter (soon to be ten) goes barefoot almost always except of course at school. Their feet toughen quickly and it's not long before even sharp things like rocks and stones can be stepped on painlessly.

I'd suggest you keep a rag/towel near an outside hose so she can wash any dirt off before coming inside. The more she goes barefoot, the less dirt that will cling to the bottoms of her feet. They also will have an even tan in the summer, no light places where sandal straps go.

I also don't allow her to wear socks without shoes. It's either socks with shoes or her bare feet. We have hard wood floors which make it a slip hazard in only socks. Plus they get dirty and wear out faster. If she goes outside in socks, they will quickly get filthy. Her feet wash more easily.

Her friends have the same rules when visiting for the same reasons, if their shoes come off, the socks come off too (if worn). At their age they like to run and bare feet have better traction on the hard wood floors. Outside it's easier to climb trees and grip with bare feet. My daughter will even climb a tree and climb on the roof, although she knows I don't allow it because she could fall.

While I keep a pair of flip flops in the car, she prefers to go barefoot when we go shopping, she likes the cool frozen foods floor. Her feet often are black when we get home between store floors and parking lots, but she's been taught to wash them before going in the house.

You will get used to seeing her barefoot, her feet will toughen eliminating most concerns of her stepping on something. No tan lines on her feet from wearing sandals, no shoes or socks to hunt for at play places or playgrounds.

She will be happier, no fights over wearing shoes, no hunting for missing shoes. I do require my daughter to wear nail polish on her toenails, even if it's clear. It helps protect her nails from scrapes when kneeling on the sidewalk, for example drawing with chalk. It's also easier to have "tickle time" if she's always barefoot 😊.

I let her wear boots without socks but always insist she wears socks when skating, otherwise she may get blisters from the foot rubbing around in the skate. Other than skating, she's mostly barefoot the rest of the time. You get used to it. So if she doesn't want to wear shoes let her go barefoot. If she runs around in her socks getting them dirty and wearing holes in them, make her take them off. Her feet will quickly toughen. I know heather's did.
Aug 13, 2014
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starstarstarstarstar 		daughter wont wear shoes
by: paige

Hi all i have a 5 year old daughter who you would not get to wear shoes all ways barefoot. Have tried and just takes them of in mins of having them on. She will wear a short skirt only. Hates underwear if get them on are off before leave school if get there with them on. Will wear top but picky very. School complained so i sent her in in dress underwear and shoes put on and school could see what i meant by it when she too her shoes knickers and tried to take here dress of as it was a struggle. So know as long a she has skirt and top on they dont mind the knickers or shoes
Jul 15, 2014
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starstarstarstarstar 		Please help!
by: Sam

Im so glad im not alone! My son whos 4 has recently started moaning about so many different things for no reason. And about 2 weeks ago started crying about not knowing which trousers to wear after giving him 3 different ones because he moaned about everyone of them. And today hes started with shoes. He goes to nursery and my daughter is in full time school we have been late for her 5 times in 2 weeks because of my son not wanting to wear trousers/shoes. What can i do im so stressed!
Jun 15, 2014
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starstarstarstarstar 		could this be the same thing
by: Anonymous

my 10 year old son I have a problem with him wearing his right shoe he's OK with socks and he's OK with the last one I was wondering if maybe this could be some form of ocd
Dec 01, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		i can relate
by: Ann

Hi - I feel your pain! I wish I could tell you some trick I've used, but ... my daughter sounds very much like yours. She would be happy to wear a big t-shirt 24/7 and that's about it. This might not work for you, but I think I've found something that helps - not with the clothes - but with my daughter's over-all stress. Her siblings give her a hard time and I think sometimes she feels isolated and lonely. Anyway, I got her a kitten for her 10th birthday. It has really helped calm her. It may not be an option for you, but it worked for me. We have clothes issues everyday still, but there seem to be less complete melt-downs. Good luck! You are not alone.
Dec 01, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		my 9 year old too
by: Anonymous

My 9 year old was diagnosed with OCD at 7. Most of her issues seem to involve clothes/socks/shoes. Right now she will only wear one shirt to school because it is the only one that feels right....this is after spending a huge amount of money on school clothes that she promised she'd wear. She never wears socks...ever. In the summer she will only wear flip flops but her school won't allow them, so during the school year it is a challenge to find something that works. Prior to the current shirt she is attached to, she would only wear tank tops. Again, her school does not allow these, so we compromised by wearing a bolo sweater over them...but her school still made an issue - which by the way did not help... this is AFTER i'd explained her OCD to them. She has always had alot of friends, but now she is starting to have issues socially as kids are beginning to question her behavior. I would love to hear from anyone that could give me some advice on how to make this a bit easier. Our lives become huge emotional upheaval - almost always over clothes and appearance.
Oct 28, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		thanks
by: Ann

Thanks for the ideas and suggestions. I tried boots but they are "too hot" for her. I tried toe socks, a no-go. She is open to the idea of clogs b/c i told her she could slip them off her feet. It is the front of the shoe that bothers her. Anything on her toes. She is freaking out a little because she has a big neighborhood to walk on Halloween and she wants to wear flip-flops. So I am scrambling to find something she can tolerate.

She was actually tested for SPD and I was told she didnt have enough issues. She may not be a text-book case, but she does have enough issues to make life difficult for herself and our family. She also will not tolerate anything touching her belly (waistbands) She wears all her pants "low" as well.

Thanks again all.
Oct 27, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		the shoes and my eight year old
by: Anonymous

The school is working w/ us on this... she wears them for walking around the school. but, can take them off while sitting. that way she gets a break from wearing them and at the same time gets use to them again. We did thicker socks also.
Oct 26, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		edit
by: mo2g

My 12yo just informed my that her friends are actually wearing Airwalk boots. They look like the UGG boots but cost WAY less.
Oct 26, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		slippers?
by: mo2g

We have our own shoe issues, too. My 6yo would wear sandals/flip flops everyday if I let her. She usually ends up w/ skecher's, but they come off the minute she gets inside.

For my daughter, the big problem seems to be the socks. She can never seem to get them just right. Could your daughter go w/out socks?

One thought I had was maybe some slippers? Landsend.com and similar sites have slippers w/ non-slip soles and boasts of "outerwear-grade polyester fleece" that is "wind resistant." An option that might get you through at least the non-wet days. They have them in boot styles, too.

I also thought about clogs. They're loose, like flip-flops, but would at least cover her toes. Even better if you can get her to wear socks w/ them. Crocs come in a furry style.

If you could get her to wear any type of boots, UGG boots are loose and popular w/ the middle schoolers here. Having what the other kids have might be an incentive to wear them. Of course, buying them could be an expensive mistake if she won't.

Keep us posted on what works. I'm sure there are lots of people here who have the shoe issue. Currently, my 6yo wants to wear her pants and underwear about an inch too low. lol

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