Perplexed Mom

by Crystal
(Northern CA)

I have a question. My son is 9. He has been home schooled all his life and we are just now seeing some major difficulties with him. He is starting the 4th grade and is having difficulty transitioning to a more rigorous school routine.

I noticed very early on that he needed a lot more movement, coaxing, goal incentives, and just plain patience than did his older brothers or younger sisters. In the home school environment he could build with Legos or hold hot wheels while doing his reading and phonics orally with no problems. Now math is harder and though we use a manipulative based program he is all over the place. Today we did one math problem multiple times in 3 different ways and he just stared at me with a puzzled face. I asked him which way made more sense and he said none! He is great with me but has a very difficult time submitting to any other authority ie. baby sitter, enrichment teacher/ tutor etc. He is very lively and funny, incredibly creative and bright. His standardized test scores showed him way below basic and even with no correct answers in several language and math areas.

I think the oddest thing that I have been trying to figure out for years is that he rocks himself at night. Sometimes he is actually asleep rocking against a pillow propped up on the wall. Other times he is in a half wake sleep type state. He has done this since he could sit up. The pediatrician said he would grow out of it. It still happens although less frequently than it used too. He also is very loving and clingy. Sometimes he hugs so long and hard that I think he would climb inside me if he could get there. He takes forever to do the most simple things like tying his shoes. Certain things have to be Just So... the laces tight and tucked in so that they don't dangle at all. Clothing is often an issue for no discernible reason. He will wear one pair of pants over and over until I have to pull them off him to wash them and then they go right back on when they are clean.

His moods change very rapidly. He can go from a total pity party fit to laughing and giggling over some silly expression or word in and instant. The other day we received some terrible news about a friend of my 11 year old. The boy was in the hospital, had an emergency surgery to remove his appendix and then had a stroke and was being air lifted to the nearest major medical center. My 9 year old started laughing at the news. I was sure it was because he did not know how to handle the emotions he was feeling, but his brother was so angry that he would laugh at such a thing. I really want to help him and I have a hard time identifying where or how. He is amazing and so sensitive and I hate to see him misjudged for something he cannot seem to help.

Although I have been seeing many of these things for a long while, I was assured he would outgrow them and with maturity would be just fine. Now I am not so sure. I had never heard of anything that fit so many of the the oddities we have experienced with him. Where do I start?