Is this SPD?

by A
(Spain)

When I was younger I remember having many sensory issues that went undetected or were seen as being a disrespectful child. Most of my symptoms have persisted but some of them got milder and other ones got more severe.

Here are some examples:

- Noises distract me all the time to the point of stopping the activity I'm doing, most of the time I need to cover my ears and I feel distressed.

- I can hear most noises, very subtle noises and notice noises others won't notice, those noises often make me feel distressed.

- I often don't know what is the source of a sound and confuse many heard words, I often need verbal instructions repeated more than once and I can't follow instructions with more than two steps.

- I'm oblivious to certain noises and need to concentrate to hear them, when I'm looking to another side I don't notice people talking to me, I sing and hum a lot, I also clap my hands to hear it, I need music all the time to be able to function.

- The sunlight and rest of the lights are super annoying to me, some of them even cause nausea and headaches. I can’t concentrate if there is too much visual stimuli and I will often cover or squint my eyes, I need sunglasses all the time.

- I can't find objects that are evident for other people and I get confused with many signs. I have issues to see the big picture and often concentrate only in the small details. I confuse some symbols and some colours sometimes.

- I dislike light touch and I get very startled with it, I'm very ticklish too and I hate wearing long sleeves. I need to cut all the tags from my clothing and I can't wear turtlenecks. My clothes have to be mostly loose because tight clothes make me feel horrible.

- I need to touch everything with my hands and I don't feel much pain when I fall or hit against something. I often find myself being a bit agressive with my sister and my mother and punching them which my sister's reaction is scratching me and it's not painful. I can’t find something in my pocket without looking and I burn myself in the shower because getting burnt with water isn't painful for me. Sometimes I don't notice that my face is dirty, same with my hands.

- I dislike some food textures and I can't eat them, that includes most fruits and vegetables, many types of fish and some types of meat.

- Spicy food feels meh to me and I don't really find it very stimulating, I love trying new flavours and tasting strong flavoured foods. I love dental work done with me it makes me feel so good.

- Many odours including pleasent ones can make me gag and give me headaches and make me leave the place, I can't stand some restaurants and I will try to leave.

- I need to move all the time and it's very hard for me to sit still, I always need to move something and change my posture. I love jumping and roller-coasters, I can't get dizzy easily and I can't feel movements when my eyes are closed.

- I can confuse hunger with nausea,I only use the bathroom two or three times a day and I don't really feel the need to do it, I can't feel hunger or thirst easily. I often seek to feel my heartbeat pounding against my chest.

When I was a preschooler this was obvious but my parents thought that I was going to grow out of it, it never happened. When I was 8 I started to hide my problems as my parents were much worse with me and I didn't want to be scolded all the time, at school I couldn't control myself all the time and I caused trouble. When I was 11 my symptoms started to get more severe and more noticeable, I was unable to hide them and I started to get scolded again, I was only able to mask them at school but not at other places. I cried myself to sleep and I had many shutdowns. I got much more withdrawn than I was before and I fell in depression.

My sensory issues affect me in many ways:

Social interactions - I never had real friends, I always used to be alone and in my own world, that was because I get over stimulated in social settings and I can't function there. I also have many problems with my family and I have it so difficult to bond with people.

Work - Too much stimulation (or feeling under stimulated) makes me get very distracted and not do my work, at home I can function better and I often try to do better work but at work I just don't do almost anything, or I do it with a lot of distress.

Mental health - It was mentioned before that I had depression and my self steem just went down and I couldn't do anything. I used to be very sad and felt miserable. I used to dissociate at times.

So that's all I could write now, I hope I find an answer soon.

The photo is because I love wolves.