Husband not understanding

My 7 yr old has slight SPD issues. We really just understood this early last year. My son is very smart...taught himself to read at 4. Ever since he was a baby, it has been hard to know how to handle situations that arise.




When I read "out of Sync" book, I couldn't believe how it explained some of the issues my son had. He is very sensitive to pain, sound, and smells. He is overally fearful of new things, even though he has gotten better over the years. He cries very easily and is very hard on himself. He thinks he is dumb or a bad kid etc. He is very smart and loving.

My husband is a very wonderful man. He tries to understand our son but he just cannot and ends up getting mad. He has called him a baby when our son is afraid to do something or when he cries at everything! I have tried to share with my husband about SPD. He is strict and expects our son to obey. I do too, of course! But, anyone can see that our son is not disobeying but is fearful or over emotional at times. My husband thinks I am against him and the way he disciplines etc.

I don't know what to do! Has anyone experienced your husband not understanding? And your child coming between you and your husband? I love my husband dearly, but I am at a cross road!



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Sep 08, 2009
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by: Anonymous

My grandson has similar symptoms. I understand your husband's reactions. He thinks its just a question of making the kid know what is right and who is in charge. Also, you husband on some level DOES understand, but doesn't want to admit his son is this way. He wants him to be tough, like your husband feels a "man" should be.

But that thinking is not going to work.

1. Try to get him to read up on SPD.
2. Get support from an OT who you can then quote from.
3. Try to get your husband to go with you to OT appt.
4. Develop some more backbone. Your husband will know you are serious and he has to change if you do.

If you don't get him straightened out, your son will get worse and your marriage will get worse. Early on is the time to correct this, not later. Make sure of your diagnosis, get professional support, then stand up for what is right.

You have to know you are right then transmit that knowledge to your husband. It will make your marriage better, in the end.
Sep 07, 2009
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by: Jane R.

HI,

I have a son with autism. He has been known to be fearful in the past. I think your husband needs to understand that your son is NOT acting out. Your husband needs to be sensitive to the fact that it may be your son has an anxiety disorder or is just plain anxious. The more you do things with him and he sees you do them the more he will try. Heck my son is autistic and they are afraid of a lot of new things. Make your husband aware that he is not trying to "act out" or "get attention" but he is anxious.Kids do have anxiety...

Good luck!

Jane
Sep 07, 2009
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by: Anonymous

Has your husband read anything at all about SPD?

I guess the only thing you could do is ask him if he would be willing to educate himself on the subject so he will understand better how to go about disciplining your son.

Maybe compromise and tell him you would be willing to listen to his ideas AFTER he has learned about SPD.

Best of luck

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