Daily Shoe Meltdowns

My 4 year old boy has a huge uncontrollable meltdown over his shoes every morning when I try to put them on.




He had velcro shoes which were too loose no matter how hard I pulled. I got him tie shoes but even if I pull them amazingly tight he still freaks out that they are too loose or then sometimes too tight. He can't make up his mind. The meltdown often continues out the door and in the car, screaming about his shoes.

At daycare we drop off his little brother in the baby room and he has to take off his shoes there, and we go through it all over again. My husband is calling it a nightmare.

Any thoughts how we can improve this ?



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Mar 08, 2024
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starstarstarstarstar 		It's not just kids
by: Barefoot

Last year I at 58 did a Walk 4 Autism. I studied Autism and discovered SDP including clothing & footwear aversion. So I trained and did the event barefoot. 55 miles over 8 days. Afterwards footwear feels awkward. It is like looking at life through a mesh. I continue to walk to work twice a week barefoot year round. 6 miles round trip. I have been to the Dentist Doctors Opticians Given blood and shop barefoot. Visit Facebook BarefootLivingUK There are lots of us.
Feb 07, 2024
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starstarstar 		but really? don't we have better things to do?
by: over it

My kid is going through this too. But I have to wonder, what is it with kids today? Half the kindergarten class has IEPs. What?? I don't remember anyone having meltdowns about shoes when I was a kid. I'm pretty damned sure no one in Gaza is fretting about their kids sock/shoe fit right now. I doubt it's an issue in environments where kids aren't coddled every second of their lives. Just saying, I'm so over this. On some level, it's a choice we've made to give this fussiness attention.
Jan 20, 2024
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starstarstarstarstar 		My problems
by: Anonymous

I think there could be more to it, I'm 30 years old and I'm having this problem with myself.

I've worn Nike Airmax for some years now, I bought a pair of pumas for work and they was comfortable but the soles came loose, so got a pair of nike running shows. These shoes was amazing so comfy I bought 5 more pairs. All was good until one day not so long ago my right shoe felt sloppy. Re tied the right one and since that day I've been having meltdowns and I can't get them feeling right again. I must have re tied mine a million times now. Its driving me absolutely nuts. But it's not just applying to my nike shoes now. Its my work boots and all other shoes. They either feel too loose or too tight, or I get one of them feeling right but can't get the other to.
Sep 14, 2023
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starstarstarstarstar 		Slip on shoes worked for us
by: Anonymous

Much like everyone else here I feel a relief to read so many others are struggling to help their kids with the "shoe not tight enough" situation. My 4.5 year old started her meltdowns a few months back. She's diagnosed as a sensory seeker and we started therapy recently.

One thing that does seem to work for us and limits the tantrums is slip on shoes. Somehow removing the ability to tighten the shoe makes her accept whatever feeling she's getting from her shoes. She accepts her slip-on Vans most of the time. For pre-school she has lighter slip-ons made from mesh with very elastic sole and she never complains about those!
Dec 29, 2022
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starstarstarstarstar 		My problems
by: Max

My son wants me to share this, we are looking at this, trying to get ideas.

I am 9 and I just cannot bare the feeling of loose clothing. Although shirts are not that big of a deal and same thing with coats. The biggest Issue Is my shoes. I hate the extra space at the end of the shoes. Nothing seems to help. My parents have tried distracting me but when they do I am already upset and simply cannot so my parents tried getting me distracted first but then when my shoes went on I started freaking out. My parents told me to tell them a story but I cannot think strait. Right now my parents taking my video games away until I put on shoes but it does not seem to help. I do go to OT but most strategies my counselor gives to me are strategies to distract me but distraction doesn't work. Can someone please tell me what to do?

We are all really struggling with these issues, as they impact the whole family a ton!
Mar 27, 2022
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starstarstarstarstar 		I relate
by: Anonymous

So i get this. I’m a sensory seeker but I just hate shoes and am picky about clothing. When I was 11 I would only wear crocs. Now it’s even worse and I only wear flipflops or go barefoot altogether and my parents don’t understand. Shoe shopping is a nightmare. We go and shop for 4-5 hours with lots of arguing and my dad gets grumpy and my mom gets annoyed and I get stressed and curl up in a ball and then we go home with no shoes. Im 16 and there is so much more besides the shoes, but I feel you.
Jul 26, 2021
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starstarstarstarstar
by: SPD

Ah, the old shoe meltdown... very common indeed! Sorry you guys are going through this!

Suggestions? First, I am curious... does he have SPD? Tactile defensiveness? Sensory seeking behaviors? Is it isolated to the shoe issue? Or, are there other tactile or proprioceptive issues?

In the case of shoe meltdown, I would try the following:

Increase proprioceptive input in any way you can. Buying tighter, compression-like socks (spandex/lycra like materials). You can ask him doctor is a "compression sock" is ok for him. How about using ankle weights? Or, maybe high top sneakers? Have you tried any of these?

Use the Wilbarger Deep Pressure Proprioceptive Technique ONLY IF in OT and shown how to do it by a knowledgeable and trained therapist. If not, you may want to consider getting him hooked up with one if he has other tactile issues. Has this ever been done?

Find tight, hugging shoes... not regular sneakers. Maybe a softer material that hugs the feet better... not leather. For example, there are ones made of more suede like material and have stretchy laces built into the shoes that hug pretty good. You may have to struggle with him in the stores to find a good tight fit that feels comfortable, but it can be done.

Give him some good deep pressure foot massages before putting shoes and socks on. Deep, firm pressure to feet and ankles... use a relaxing scented lotion too if tolerated.

Use vibrating massagers on the feet before putting his shoes and socks on.

Do the seams on his socks bother him? Try turning the socks inside out or get seamless socks.

Increase proprioceptive and heavy work activities throughout his day, every day to keep him regulated and decrease some of the sensitivity or sensory seeking behaviors.
Jul 26, 2021
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starstarstarstarstar 		I can relate
by: Jo

I can totally relate and it’s nice to know there are so many others that can relate to the stress. My 6 yr old son has major meltdowns when it comes to dressing and putting on socks and shoes. He wears out the Velcro in his shoes by pulling them as tight as he can. Tie shoes have helped a little but now he is wearing them out from pulling too tight and can’t figure out how to tie them.

We use compression shirts and shorts and they have helped some but his shorts and pants have to be as tight as they go and so does his car seat belt. Socks are an every day meltdown as well as his car seatbelt and shoes. It’s frustrating. He doesn’t qualify for ot because they see very few issues at school except walking on his toes when he is very stressed out.

We have tried some deep pressure and rubbing lotion. I’m going to push for outside ot because I’m at a loss for what to try next.

Anyone have any great shoe suggestions?
Mar 06, 2020
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starstarstarstarstar 		A relief
by: Anonymous

It's such a relief to read in not the only one going through this! My 6 year old, every single morning tells me his socks and shoes are tickling or hurting him, I found seamless socks but now the problem is his shoes. I'm at a loss of what to do as the problem is being reflected at school too as he's not concentrating because of being obsessed with his shoes!

I'm glad I'm not alone!!!
May 08, 2019
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starstarstarstarstar 		7 year old with sensory issues with shoes & socks
by: Anonymous

I’ve only just discovered this page and feel like crying. I had no idea there were so many children with the same issues as my son, we have been going through it for years. I will try some of your suggestions and see how we go.
Mar 31, 2019
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starstarstarstarstar 		6 year old with shoe tantrums
by: Anonymous

I'm not sure what caused me to randomly google tantrums over shoes not tight and found this, but I'm so happy.

My kiddo has had tantrums for several years now and has received 4 tardies so far this year. In Pre-K his teacher would tell me to please buy him some new shoes. He wouldn't want to stay at school and would cry horribly. His issue is they are not tight enough.

I bought him some new shoes and he pulled the velcro so tight he tore it right off. I've suggested tie shoes so we can tie them tight, but he doesn't want them. He has complained about certain socks, but for the most part we are ok with that. He also doesn't like tags and just sleeps in and often wears underwear around our house.

We were bowling yesterday at a bday party and he cried and cried over the shoes. I let him bowl in his socks, but he was worried it wasn't allowed.

So frustrating! Happy to know we are not the only ones. I'll now as his Dr. about it. Thanks.
Jan 02, 2019
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starstarstarstarstar 		sensory issues and stroke
by: Anonymous

My Grandson has sensory issues concerning socks and shoes. He goes to OT for this and other issues too. (He had a stroke and he is only 5 years old.)

Sometimes it seems like his OT therapist is judgmental and sets up situations that will cause his melt downs. She expects him to be just like other kids who don't have any challenges or disabilities.

My Grandson marches to the beat of a different drum. He is a little different but he is an amazing child. I think it is important to accept people for being who they are and I try to have as much fun with my Grandson as possible.
Sep 21, 2018
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starstarstarstarstar 		My son
by: Anonymous

So my son has issues with shoes, he constantly says they are " too small " even if they are sizes too big, he has meltdowns daily because of shoes, he refuses to wear socks and ends up with blisters! Do I let him go barefoot? This is so stressful he hates things on his feet!
Aug 22, 2018
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starstarstarstarstar 		Minimalist Shoes
by: Anonymous

I am a 35 year old who still struggles with sensory issues... I always used to wear flat/light shoes like Chuck Taylors but my feet have become too wide for most of those types of shoes. I spent about 5 years trying everything I could fit my foot in, nothing was comfortable, everything made me uneasy.

I started wearing minimalist shoes and, I know it sounds crazy, but they changed my outlook. I guess what it really comes down to, I can't feel them on my feet and I can move naturally. They are made of mesh fabric with a rubber sole and no seams. Wearing them feels like socks with traction.

I know things can be different as an adult and no two people's feet are the same but I saw this page and thought this may be helpful for some.
Jun 23, 2018
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starstarstarstarstar 		Help
by: Anonymous

I am so glad I came across this page. I feel so alone and a horrible parent as I am frustrated always angry and shouting. I finally called doctor as something is not right. I cannot punish my daughter for something that is clearly upsetting her.

Doctor said it's a phase. theseast few days have been bad.
her hair. has to be tied up tight. if there are any bumps it's a melt down or wisps of hair. I do this numerous times a day. her shoes aren't tight enough. this one has been going on for years. it started with socks tho now she will only wear the small trainer socks. last few days it's been her trousers not right.

the imperfections to her vary on her mood. tonight it was the earphones weren't sitting right which resulted in an hour and half crying and losing her temper which them went on to her hair annoying her and not right.

I hate mornings o dread them. for school it it one pair of shorts. poloshirts it's the collar isn't right or flat or whatever right means.

I'm tired feel a crap parent. I don't know what to do or where to turn. it's good to read I'm not alone bit where do I go for help.
May 25, 2018
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starstarstarstarstar 		shoes and hair have to be beyond tight
by: Anonymous

my almost 6 year old daughter gets very anxious every morning when we are due to leave the house. the whole shoe process is heart-breaking to watch , she has to have her shoes pulled so tight that it leaved red marks on her feet. and if they are not as tight as humanly possibly then a melt down begins.

In addition to this, her hair had to be in a very tight pony tail with no mess or untidy ness or this will result in her crying and demanding over and over again for it re doing. on a typical school morning we can re do hair around 6 times and with the shoes ive lost count by the time ive finally got her in the car. ...

I'm really at a lost how to help her. and as I say its heartbreaking to watch her so upset and hurting her feet. any advise is hugely appreciated xxx
Jan 19, 2018
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starstarstarstarstar 		Shoes for the Proprioceptive seeker
by: Ann

My son is 8, and only in the last 2 years have we been able to tap into a few tools that make his life easier. Tags, waistbands, seams on socks, and ridges and seams in shoes have all been an exhausting struggle... I've spent so much money on all types of shoes, only to find that after he's worn them for a few days he now can't even look at them because they're so uncomfortable.

Of course, having a proprioceptive seeking child requires us to find activities that allow a lot of input and for him, it's swimming and bouldering. At our last indoor climbing adventure (Verticle World, in Seattle), it hit me! Climbing shoes are very snug fitting and have NO SEAMS!

After a lot of persuading him to just try them on, he looked up at me shocked and said, "I didn't know it could be like this, mom." Such a relief for our whole family.

For those struggling with this issue I highly recommend looking into climbing shoes. They have multi-tightening velcro points (around the ankle, top or foot and along the bridge of foot). They're not cheap, but I personally cannot put a price on an end to this struggle.
Jan 15, 2018
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starstarstarstarstar 		SPD 5 year old boy
by: Anonymous

It is so comforting to read your comments. I am almost at the verge of insnity with my boy's sensitivity toward shoes and clothing.

I just don't know what to do. I have bought all possible kinds of shoes and none really help. The only ones that he doesn't complain so much are the booty ones but usually they have laces and are not permitted at his school.

All the Velcro ones, he complains about how loose he feels them. My husband try to tight them many times and is never enough.

Pants and trousers the same. He refuses to put a pant on no matter how soft the fabric is. the elastic is always uncomfortable no matter how freezing is outside. He is using shorts with leg warmers (he complaints about leg warmer too) in 32o (or less) conditions.

I will try some of your past suggestions.
Aug 23, 2017
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starstarstarstarstar 		school uniforms and SPD
by: Anonymous

If your child has a SPD diagnosis from a doctor or OT or is receiving OT at school under an IEP, the school cannot require your child to wear a specific type of uniform. They can require certain colored pants, shirt, etc. but not the materials they are made of.

My daughter's school has a strict uniform policy and I made it part of her IEP that she is allowed to wear whatever shoes she is comfortable in for that day. We try to find ones that comply with the uniform policy, but some days it just doesn't happen and with it in her IEP, they can't punish her for it and it helps make our mornings a little less stressful.
Jun 20, 2017
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starstarstarstarstar 		Active distractions and 100% attention until destination
by: Anonymous

Same situation with us...6 year old boy, all the same scenarios. I have found when we give him time in the morning to wake up, have a regimen-come downstairs, eat, dress, (no shoes/socks yet), brush hair,teeth, read do a puzzle (something calming) This helps us. Absolutely NO TV or ELECTRONICS in the morning!!

This seems to make the eventually shoe situation worse once we say 'It's time to go' I have given him a piece of gum and a fidget spinner at the time I am 'helping' him with his shoes which seemed to take some of the stress out. Last, simply goal setting for each morning he gets his shoes/socks on w/o issue a reward program is in place. 5 stars equals 'X'
May 17, 2017
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starstarstarstarstar 		My tips
by: Anonymous

My daughter is 7 years old and we have the same problem. She is diagnosed with SPD. I learned a few things over the years with her.

I notice if she is tired or hungry this will cause more stress. I maintain a schedule with her make sure she goes to sleep on time and gets enough sleep. I feel this is the most important thing.

In the morning I wake her up slowly. Cuddle with her and maintain calm. I give her an hour to get ready for school in the morning. This is also important. If you rush your child there will be more anxiety and it will not be a productive morning. I will remind her that we only have _mins left but I do not raise my voice.

She wears dresses most of the time.
Shirts are usually no problem it is underwear, bottoms, shoes, and socks that are. I let her eat breakfast before she gets dressed. (she wears a bathrobe at the table)

Getting dressed is usually she thinks her undies are too tight and I have to "stretch" them out. I tug on them to make her feel better. Shorts are very complicated still she tends to complain she has a wedgie. So I buy her stretchy shorts or loose cotton shorts.

Like I said she mostly wears dresses besides the days she has P.E. Sock are usually turned inside out so she can't feel the seams. Shoes I will "stretch" them also. If she starts to go into a panic about her clothes I remind her if she focuses on something else the feelings will go away. I will distract her by asking questions that require her to think or ask for a hug. Sing a song that is bound to be stuck in her head all day.

If you can get your child off of the thought that their clothes feel funny then your morning will be better. Also for shoes, I heard a mother tell me that she buys shoes from thrift stores because they don't have the "new shoe" feeling. I haven't tried that but am considering.

Keep strong Moms and Dads with children that have SPD.
Apr 13, 2016
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starstarstarstarstar 		Trying new shoes
by: Stefanie F

Hi. All of these comments are exactly what we've been going through with my 5 year old son. I bought a pair of those shoes hoping they would help. He won't even try them on. Anyone have any suggestions? We keep buying new socks and shoes but he only wants the old ones. He only has 4 socks he'll wear and now one pair of shoes but we go through the whole "too tight/ too loose" battle. Thanks!
Apr 10, 2015
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starstarstarstarstar 		Perfect Shoes for Kids with Sensory Issues
by: Ron

I would like to introduce to you unique shoes that work very well for Kids with Sensory Issues.

Check out a review by a blogger, who has a kid with sensory issues: http://ohsosavvymom.com/2015/03/extreme-clothing-sensitivites-kidofit-shoes-for-kids-with-sensory-issues/

KidOFit’s unique features include:
Seam-free fabric interior, which is padded with foam offers a very gentle contact with the foot, eliminating irritation, and providing ultimate comfort and protection.
An elastic collar stretches around the heel to conform to the individual foot width. The supple design insures soft contact with the foot for maximum comfort and protection.
Heel Strap - enables the adjustment of the grip around the heel for a comfort fit and to eliminate slippage.
Fitting Inserts - A set of inserts allow to reduce the space inside the shoe when the fit is too wide or too loose.
Barefoot Design - thin soles, made of flexible elastomer, mimic barefoot walking, and enable natural foot motion, and help promote healthy foot development during the early stages of growth.

For more information on KidOFit shoes please check our website at https://kidofit.com/difference.asp
Jul 20, 2012
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starstarstarstarstar 		Shoe meltdown
by: Anonymous

My 3 yr old grandson is just the opposite, he freaks out when he has to take his shoes off. At bedtime he will scream and cry hisself to sleep due to having to take off his shoes. It is a horrible problem, Any suggestions of why this is happening?
Jan 26, 2012
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starstarstarstarstar 		Shoes
by: Anonymous

My five year old son just started doing this a few months ago. It has been a nightmare. We constantly change his shoes every morning before school because they are too tight or too lose. He also complains about the socks too. If he can feel the seem its all over with. I have to change his shoes and socks until he is a little more satisfied. After we go through the tantrums in the morning and he get to school he seems to forget about it completely. Its driving me crazy though and I would really like to find a solution to this problem.
Jun 07, 2010
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starstarstarstarstar 		Shoes not tight enough
by: Sara Carrillo

I am so happy to know we're not the only ones with this problem. My son is 5 now and has pulled to velcro strips off his shoes pulling them so tight. He's become compulsive about stopping to re-tighten his shoes. His OT recommended wrapping his feet in thera-band strips (to simulate socks) during the day to give him the sensory input he's craving.
Oct 20, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		Shoes
by: Anonymous

My son is recently going to OT and we learned the brushing technique. He finally will wear his school uniforms, but our daily morning meltdown happens when we put the shoes on. They are either too loose or too tight. I can't seem to get them right it makes me insane!! I hate for him to start his school day off so miserable and upset, I just don't know what to do. Any suggestions for a shoe, but not crocs as they cannot wear them to school, would be appreciated. Once he comes home at night there are no issues, unless he has to take his shoes off for some reason. HELP! This is so stressful for him.
Sep 18, 2009
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starstarstarstarstar 		Shoes/Clothes - starting school with sensory
by: Anonymous

My 5 year old has had clothing issues for 2-3 years now. It has been a nightmare. We have problems with most clothing types -but mostly things around her waist/crotch (underwear and we mostly wear skirts/dresses) and shoes/socks. The summer is not as bad because she can wear sundresses and flip flops. But the start of Kindergarten a couple weeks ago has been a nightmare - trying to get her there and dressed on time.

Before Kindergarten, my husband would go into work late (he's self employed) - so she could take her time in the morning - the dressing process can take over an hour and sometimes erupts into screaming a crying. We find a outfit or two that "work" and then I wash them nearly every night so they are always clean. Two summers ago she actually wore the same outfit everyday for three months - I just washed it every night.
I did have her evaluated by a psychologist and an OT. They agreed that there are likely sensory issues that were contributing and causing behavior issues. She is seemingly normal in virtually every other way. They said the brushing program "might" work -but it has to be administered very consistently..we work full time..so when on earth can we find time for this treatment that may or may not work!!! They certainly aren't going to pull her our of class for brushing.

I am so relieved to have found some of these stories. At least it's comforting to know we're not alone and that this is a real issue. I have had countless people tell me that she is manipulating us and the situation (she might be doing that to some extent - but I do believe the root of the problem is sensory.)

Couple questions:
1. Why does an outfit work one day and then it's unbearable the next?
2. Why is that once she get dressed and starts the day - she seems fine. There is rarely an issue or meltdown. Her teacher hasn't noticed a thing. Once she gets her mind off the clothing it seems to be fine.
Frustrated in Chicago
Sep 10, 2009
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		4 1/2 year old's Meltdowns
by: Anonymous

I'm happy to see we are not the only family going through this. Our 4 1/2 year old daughter has been obsessed with tightening the velcro on her shoes for quite some time and it's becoming a daily problem. We cannot seem to get them tight enough for her. She is now obsessed with the new sneakers she got for school and I'm concerned she spends too much time pulling on them in class. I've gone through the SPD checklist and she has none of the other symptoms. She's very bright with no learning issues. Is it possible for kids to have very mild SPD? If so, is treatment required or can we help her at home? I would be grateful for any suggestions.
Aug 01, 2009
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		shoe problems
by: KD- new york

My 6 year old boy also has the same problem with his shoes not being tight enough. He also wears a belt to make his pants tighter and now recently his bathing suits feel too loose - no matter how tight we make them. He does not want to go swimming anymore. This all started a few months ago and now i am aware that these are real issues. This website has helped me see that. I am calling the doctor on monday - but in the meantime - any advice on what to do? I am not even sure where to start. He is such a good boy and it makes me so sad to see him struggle with this.
May 07, 2009
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Shoe Meltdown
by: Ali Z

I have a 6 year old son you also has shoe meltdowns everyday. He has been diagnosed with SPD and we are going through therapy right now. We have not found any shoe that works at this point either so any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

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