A 20 year old girl's story.

by Camille
(Austin, Texas, USA)

When I came upon this site, I was so glad that people had researched about it since my mother wondered why I wouldn't eat certain foods, drink from her breast when I was a baby, and was picky with clothing. It wasn't until I was in sixth grade that we found out what I had.

My school had a special ED teacher that had a same just like me and started giving me therapy. She made me wear tight, riding shorts that I absolutely hated. It felt like panties that were unbelievably tight and it was horrible. I sat down most of the time when I had t go in that room. They even gave my mother a brush that was prickly and rough to go against my skin.

That didn't work at all.

Before I knew it, my mother took me to a real therapist and they gave me medicine. It didn't work for me since I felt the same. I'm being honest here too. So, my mother canceled it.

Now, what really shocked her was when I was in the marching band. The material of the pants were... Think of starchy pants with a bit of a silk feel to it. It didn't feel good at all, even though I wore shorts and a shirt underneath. The black pants (we had black and white) were even worse since they were wool. Despite the nagging feeling and my brain telling me to take it off and "oh how gross that feels", I did it because I enjoyed playing in the band. It was fantastic marching and playing with them on the football field in my freshmen year in high school in Allen, Texas since there was nothing like that.

The concert dresses? Could of sworn they snuck a corset in that and they felt like the pants too. All I did was slip on a long, black silk undershirt and it was all good. It felt extremely odd though but once I started to play my clarinet? Forgot about the feeling entirely.

Now, that's only to what the good part was. Yes, I did have pain and angst. Maybe even more. One day, during middle school year, my mother told me to clean my room and practically blew up on me. Yelling at me makes me cry automatically and because of her doing that all the time, I cried even in school. I'll get to those parts later.

So, I decided to say, in a very calm way, to please leave the room since I always cleaned my room with music and do silly dances while doing it but my mother says, "No, make me." I started to get upset and asked her again. She says the same thing to me. So, I started to cry. She hates it when I cry so she starts yelling at me. Whenever I cry, it becomes loud and annoying and I can't help it.

Before I knew it, she started slapping and hitting me on the legs, butt, arms, and even my face. And you know what the twisted thing was? She thought I would stop crying when she did that. She kept on going when I wouldn't stop crying and shouting in pain. I'm crying right now at the memories of it while typing this but I want to get this out to you parents of children with this disorder.

Do. Not. Hit. us.

Yes, it is discipline, but don't hit us like my mother did. It makes it worse and I felt so helpless because she was hitting me with her hands and it hurt. After she hit me, my skin was red from it and my throat was dry and hurting from screaming.

During this, my brother had heard what was going on, and he's two years younger than me, and started to cry himself while telling my mother to stop. She told him to shut up and would continue to hit me. My brother called my father who was shocked. My mother didn't wanted to talk to him (she's on a very high horse by the way, which makes me so sick) but after it was done, I heard her talking to my father.

The words I heard from her and from that day lost my whole respect to her. She knew that I had my disorder but she doesn't know how painful it is. She wants everything to be perfect and all her way.

They don't hit me now anymore because they use the "if you don't do this, I'll take this away from you", which works even better. There's no screaming at all and it made me pass high school with a B average. My thing was, "you fail, no computer." I will admit that I love my computer a whole lot and I'm so glad that I finished high school.

But there were times that my mother would get onto me over and over to get a job. I don't like to talk that much because I have an odd way of speaking and people judge me a whole lot because I dress like a tomboy. I'm not going to lie but it makes my parents happy that I'm not girly with all makeup and high heels. Oh my goodness. High heels... Graduation in high heels was a nightmare. My feet were killing me after wards.

But, back to the topic, I have applied for jobs and so far, no one wants me and since my mother got a job in Miami, Florida, since I'm not in college (I tried online and it didn't work out for me) and have no job, I help around the house with the chores (dishes, vacuuming - I go over the vacuum a long time ago - laundry and cat litter - the cat can scratch pretty hard, haha) and I don't fight about it since it's easy to do and it will help me further on in life.

As for what I can wear now. I will not wear jeans, other types of clothing, and eat food that looks gross (mostly veggies) but you know what? That's what makes me, me, and I don't wish to be like others and fit in with the crowd.

So, yeah, that's basically it of what I can come up with. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask.